At times I’ve considered my Catholic upbringing to be more of a burden than a benefit. To such a degree that I ended up jettisoning the lot and “going rational” since just before adulthood. The stick and carrot, fire and brimstone angle didn’t sit well with me. Especially after learning that it wasn’t the only way to see the world. And indeed the universe.
But one aspect that has stayed with me, one that I’m trying to pass on to my own children in my own non-denominational way, is the vein of compassion that runs through the teachings.
Sometimes patronising, sometimes disconnected from reality, it nevertheless offers those who opt-in a base level of confidence to work from. A recognition that everyone has their own problems, causing all manner of behaviours, but that we can still co-exist.
I seem to have run into this viewpoint again, this time from the Buddhist side of things. Wishing no person or object harm, even those who would hurt you, is a classic way to free your mind from thoughts that would only hurt you far worse than anyone else could. It’s part self-preservation, part accepting of humanity’s base instincts.
The Stoics came to the same conclusion, as did countless other philosophies.
Re-engaging with a compassionate outlook has given me a newfound confidence. Coupled with all the mind-calming and organisation, I feel much more stable than I have in recent decades. Regaining a little bit of the world-view I had as a child, where it was so sad to see other kids acting out because you knew they must have been deeply unhappy about something. They’d be good otherwise, right?
And it’s this kind of thinking that, without overdoing it, now gives me a second wind in social settings, work, relationships and hobbies. I now have gone back to trying to be aware of those in a social group who look like they are struggling are supported somehow. I’ve tried to let go of long-standing grudges and hopes in relationships, focusing more on the other’s needs and what would make them feel more secure. I’ve even found it quite easy to stick with learning the new languages I was interested in (Korean, Chinese and Irish) because of the refreshed perspective on goals and how I should spend my life.
I believe it’s called a virtuous circle, as opposed to the vicious circle, where good begets good, and the lack of encumbrance only serves to allow you to do more. You feel lighter.
As I said, it can be seen as patronising and disconnected from reality, sickly, even, but it’s not a terrible starting place when the benefits are so numerous and no real harm is done.
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Thanks for reading. Discussion welcome below.
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